entry no. 1

People usually write their New years resolution on New years. And it makes sense, I get it. But I've decided to do that on my birthday because well, it's a start of a new year for me. One years older, one year wiser, right? Probably not, but I do realize one thing: I need to change my life at least a bit in order for me to be happy. Because right now? I am not happy. At all. Sounds sad, I know. What's even sadder, that is my own fault and no one else's. But I'm not here to cry about my problems or my life (that I will probably keep for later). Right now and here I want to admit to myself that I do want to change. I understand that in order for me to change my life I have to change something. Because as we all know, every action has an equal reaction.
I'll admit it now, even now I know that all of this, me trying to "fix myself" won't be easy, or it may not even be possible, BUT some days I feel like I just reached my rock bottom and I just have to do something, anything.. So we'll start this blog on my birthday! Happy birthday to me! Today I turned 25. What a number! To be completely honest, I thought that by 25 I will have a proper career, that I will have a husband, one or two dogs, my house and possibly would be thinking about a baby soon too. But how different life turns out.
It's not easy. Life. Figuring out how to be an adult is hard, at least for me. No one really prepares you for what happens after school or university. When you're done with your education - that's it. You are on your own. And possibly every little fuck up will somehow impact your life in one way or the other. But I'll leave this for a different time.
This blog post is about new beginnings. If at the end nothing changes at least I can say that I tried and I'll die happy knowing that.
What I think I need now is a simple new years resolution. About to turn 25 so I guess this is the perfect time to write all of this down. About to take life to my own hands (or at least try).

• Drink more water
• Start running
• Take better care of myself (hair, body, skin etc.)
• Read at least one book a month
• Write a blog post at least once a month
• Maintain a clean house
• Think positively to attract positive outcome
• Be more open to people
• Call my mum and dad more often
• Eat less junk food
• Stop procrastinating
• Start saving money
• Set a goal career wise
• Have at least 7 hours of sleep every night
• Quit smoking

I know this is quite a lot, especially for someone like me, who always thinks about the worst outcome, who hates her job, is lazy and procrastinates at every given moment. Who forgot how much she loved reading and how much writing itself meant to her. I guess all of this blog thing is just to find myself again. I know that I lost the person I want to be, somewhere along the way and sometimes it feels like it's way too late to get her back. But I want to try, because when I get those feelings I also think that if I won't be able to find my way back I won't ever be truly happy.

00:03 Happy Birthday to me. All I have left to say for now is: Good luck future me, I know I'll need it.